Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
