suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Randomize
