you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
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