Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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