I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
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