I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Randomize
