i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Randomize
