he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Randomize
