what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Randomize
