I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
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