Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Randomize
