i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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