I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
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