Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
