I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Randomize
