just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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