I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
