what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Randomize
