but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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