"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
