I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
