it wasn't lemon gatorade
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
