i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Randomize
