mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
