Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
