Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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