I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
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