I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
