So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
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