my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
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