Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize