She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
