Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
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