So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Randomize
