Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Randomize
