is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
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