I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
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