I just cut my nipple shaving
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
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