Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
