Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
I queefed so loud it echoed.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
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