i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
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