I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
