guys are only as good as the porn they watch
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
I would fuck him just for his dog
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
