I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Randomize
