Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
