Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
