She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
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