Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
you mean i was at the winter classic?
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
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