Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Randomize
