fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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