I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
