Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Randomize
