Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Gay?
German.
Pity.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
Randomize