Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
