you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
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