i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Randomize
