Please, let me fuck your mom
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
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