I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
