i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Randomize
