my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
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