if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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